


heavy

by togrutamafia (vorchamafia)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Vignette, introspection...emotions...other things.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:21:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24008782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vorchamafia/pseuds/togrutamafia
Summary: The Force is sometimes quiet, sometimes loud, and it doesn’t tell her to go to Tatooine. But she does.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 8
Kudos: 104





	heavy

**Author's Note:**

> the title comes from "Heavy" by Mary Oliver. i was mostly thinking of this excerpt from the poem while i was writing: 
> 
> "“It’s not the weight you carry
> 
> but how you carry it –  
> books, bricks, grief –  
> it’s all in the way  
> you embrace it, balance it, carry it
> 
> when you cannot, and would not,  
> put it down.”  
> So I went practicing.  
> Have you noticed?"

The Force is sometimes quiet, sometimes loud, and it doesn’t tell her to go to Tatooine.

But she does. For a few hours, all Ahsoka does is fly her ship over the desert. She avoids the jagged, crooked mountains, preferring the endless expanse of sand, the ease of nothing. It’s no surprise that she finds one of the cities - sooner or later, she would’ve found civilization - so she lands. 

She packs a bag. Her lightsabers fit in the bottom compartment, safely hidden; everything else fits with plenty of room to spare. 

It’s been years since she was a Jedi, and she still can’t keep hang onto anything longer than a month. She’s tried - a small, pretty trinket here and a plain bracelet there and maybe a flimsiplast sketch - but they always pass from her hands into someone else’s. Some things aren’t meant to stay.

She wanders the dusty streets. The markets are bustling with people, some small and some large. Ahsoka learns she’s in Mos Eisley from a twi’lek selling fruit, and though it attracts an odd look, buys a few small bags of whatever looks particularly interesting. Her feet ache by the time she makes it to the other end of the city, bag digging into her shoulders, but her heart is light.

The people don’t look at her too long. Some of them are curious, others are annoyed, but for the most part, nobody’s attention lingers on her longer than a minute. The only person who seems anywhere near cheerful is a rodian trying to rent a speeder to her.

“It’ll take you anywhere,” he says, beckoning her over. Ahsoka has nowhere to go, nowhere in mind, so she moves closer. “Across the city, across the dunes - you name it, girl, and you’ll be there.”

“The dunes?” Ahsoka asks.

“Yes,” replies the rodian. He blinks in that slow, odd way that rodians do. “But I wouldn’t try stealing it. There’s trackers in these things.”

“Okay,” Ahsoka says. “Sounds like a deal to me.”

The rodian smiles at her. 

They negotiate a price; Ahsoka passes him a few credits, checks the speeder’s fuel, and gives him a final nod before she leaves. She stops just outside Mos Eisley to scrub the worst of the grime off her goggles, cover her face with a scarf, and she takes off. 

Nothing compares to the elation bubbling up in her chest as she glides across the sand, urging the speeder faster and faster and faster. The wind steals her delighted laughter, and for awhile, Ahsoka remembers what it’s like to be completely and genuinely happy. 

\- - -

The twin suns hang low in the sky by the time Ahsoka stops the speeder. There’s nothing - for miles and miles, there’s just sand and sun and sky - and she stops to dig into her bag and pull out a ration bar. Her fingers brush against the small bags of fruit, and in the dying light, she crams the bar into her mouth and peels the bags open. 

There’s a handful of dark purple things with stems. Ahsoka weighs them in her palms. They aren’t particularly large, but they’re not small either. She puts them back, ties off the bag, and sorts through the other ones. 

Anakin liked fruit. Obi-Wan and Padme and every other human she ran into liked fruit. Back then, Ahsoka made a habit of smuggling fruit to the clones when she could because they liked it. Some of them tried returning the favor a few times before they realized that she couldn’t eat fruit.

She tugs her goggles off and wipes at her eyes. The thought stings, but the knowledge that the clones were happy because of the little things makes her smile, too. 

Ration bar finished, Ahsoka repacks her bag and pulls her scarf and goggles back on. She knows where she’s going.

\- - -

“Ahsoka Tano,” says Obi-Wan Kenobi, shocked. “You’re…”

“Hello, Master,” Ahsoka says. “I hope I’m not intruding.”

Obi-Wan blinks. The surprise on his face eases into a smile. “Of course not, Ahsoka. I’m… I wasn’t expecting you.”

She shrugs. For awhile, she thought him dead - like Anakin, like Padme, like Master Plo and everyone else - and until the door opened to reveal the face of Obi-Wan Kenobi, alive and well, she did believe he was dead. A small part of her wonders if she’ll blink and he’ll be gone again.

“Come in,” Obi-Wan says. “Make yourself comfortable.”

Ahsoka has to duck to get into the hut. “Thank you, Master,” she says. “I wasn’t - I didn’t know you were out here.”

Some part of her finds comfort in the way Obi-Wan strokes his beard. “The Force works in mysterious ways,” is all he says. “Will you be staying long?”

“I don’t know,” Ahsoka says honestly. “It’s good to see you, Master.”

“And you as well, Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan replies, “though I prefer to be called ‘Ben’ nowadays instead of Master or Obi-Wan.”

“Ben?”

He nods. “I imagine you’re not Ahsoka to everyone you meet, are you?”

“No,” Ahsoka says, “but you’ll always be Obi-Wan to me.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

Obi-Wan directs her to sit down, to make herself comfortable, and by the time Ahsoka finally settles down, her eyes are already shut. It isn’t home - she hasn’t known home in a long, long time - but the sense of _peace-safety-solace_ in the Force lulls her to sleep. 

\- - -

Ahsoka only stays for a couple days. She gives Obi-Wan the fruit, the nuts, and lets him name each one before he stores them away. They don’t talk about Anakin or Darth Vader or the Empire or much of anything at all. They meditate, Ahsoka does a few minor repairs for Obi-Wan that he could’ve easily done himself, and before she leaves, he asks after her lightsabers.

“My… lightsabers?”

Obi-Wan is guarded in ways that Ahsoka wishes she understood less. “Yes,” he says. “The ones that Anakin gave you. Do you…”

She swallows against the rush of emotion. Out of everyone in the galaxy, Obi-Wan and Rex are the only people who know what it’s like to have loved Anakin so fiercely, so strongly. “No,” she says, voice thick. “I had to leave them.”

“I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan says. He touches her shoulder, and at a loss, all she can do is cover his hand with her own.

“I am, too.” 

They remain there for a moment, unmoving, and Ahsoka squeezes her eyes shut as Obi-Wan wraps her in a hug. It’s awkward - she’s taller than him, and it’s been so long since she’s embraced someone that she fumbles, and then Obi-Wan nearly knocks his forehead against her chin in a supreme show of grace - and then they laugh. 

“But…” She trails off. “I do have lightsabers. New ones.”

Obi-Wan lifts a brow. “You do?”

They release each other. Ahsoka retrieves her lightsabers from the hidden compartment in her bag on the speeder and meets Obi-Wan’s gaze before activating them. They gleam like beacons in the night: pure, shining white. 

The look on Obi-Wan’s face is undeniably fond and Ahsoka barely manages to bite down on her grin as she gives her lightsabers a few experimental twirls. “Impressive,” Obi-Wan murmurs. “How long have you had them?”

“Years,” Ahsoka says. 

His smile is warm, but Ahsoka doesn’t miss the sad look in his eyes. “You seem comfortable with them. Practiced.”

“I am.” She deactivates them, pauses, and offers them to Obi-Wan. “Would you like to see them?”

Obi-Wan inclines his head. He examines the hilts with a keen eye before passing them back to her, saying, “You’ve done well, Ahsoka. I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you,” Ahsoka says sincerely, voice steadier than she feels. She glances down at the lightsabers - _her_ lightsabers - before placing them back in the bag. When she turns back to Obi-Wan, she sees him watching her with a quiet smile. 

It takes a moment for her to realize what the feeling in her gut is. She’s always been the one walking away - from the Jedi Order, from Anakin, from Rex and Kaeden and so many others - but this time is different. This time, Ahsoka knows that she’s walking away and that she won’t be returning. 

What led her to Tatooine is the same thing that’s kept Obi-Wan here for so long. 

“Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan says, hand outstretched as he steps forward. She senses… affection, fondness, love - and sadness, too, a bittersweet sense of regret, and wastes no time clasping their forearms together. “Be safe out there.”

“I can’t promise that,” Ahsoka replies. “You know how the galaxy gets.”

That startles a laugh out of Obi-Wan. “Indeed I do.”

They share a smile. Quietly, Ahsoka says, “May the Force be with you, Obi-Wan.”

“Yes.” He squeezes her arm reassuringly. “May the Force be with you as well, Ahsoka.”

She hesitates to pull her arm away, thinking - thinking of Anakin, of all people, and maybe even the only one to think of - and then bundles Obi-Wan in for a fierce hug. He holds her just as tightly, surprising her with the sheer force of his pride. 

As soon as they part, Obi-Wan says, “You had best hurry. Tatooine freezes at night.”

Ahsoka inhales slowly before nodding. “I know. Goodbye, Obi-Wan.”

“Goodbye, Ahsoka.”

\- - -

Three klicks away from Obi-Wan’s hut, Ahsoka pulls her speeder up. It’s flat out here, and in the distance, she can make out his silhouette, haloed by the fading sunlight, hand raised in final farewell. 

Across the stretch of dry earth, Ahsoka raises her hand in response.


End file.
